Monday, August 15, 2011

For Me: Staying at Home vs. Working

Since I had my daughter, I've been a student. This meant, during the school year, I'd attend class, go home, do work for those classes, and then maybe muster the time and energy to clean, cook, and actually enjoy my family. During the summers, however (and the blessedly long winter breaks), I was at home all day, every day. I could devote myself completely to all the things that had been neglected during the school year.

When I graduated this past spring, there was very little question over whether or not I'd go to work. For one, it would be nice to have the extra income. In college, I recieved a really excellent scholarship that covered my tuition, which meant any aid recieved from the government or my university went towards living expenses. It wasn't a lot, but it was enough to manage rent, electric, and some groceries. But we couldn't afford a lot of extras, which, to be honest, are kind of nice to have. For two, I did just spend five years of my life working towards the moment where I could leave college and actually put my knowledge to work.

That said...I love being at home. I guess, because I had never really had the fully stay-at-home-mom experience (there was always school looming just on the horizon), I sort of glorified the idea. What would it be like to have all that time to do all that stuff? Of course, when you're actually in the thick of being at home, using all that time to do all that stuff, it doesn't feel like you have quite enough of the first and too much of the second. For me, when I'm home during the summers, somehow all that extra time goes the way of the missing socks in the laundry. I suppose it wouldn't be that different if I were home all year round.

Though, even when I could acknowledge that aspect of staying at home, I couldn't help still feeling like I really should be staying home. I'd like to think it was some sort of weird maternal instinct thing, like mother animals knowing what their babies smell like, or something. But, in reality, I'm a 23-year-old with a kid, who hasn't had a kid before, and is constantly looking for input. I'm impressionable. A few people (ranging from people I actually know, to mom bloggers, to "experts") telling me that I need to stay home with my daughter or else she'll grow up to be an extremely damaged human being is enough to make me feel horrible for not doing just that.

Plus, I like the kid, so it's nice to stay home with her (even though she's suddenly become a horrible napper).

But, I guess I'm going to have to let go of all that and trust that if she hasn't been majorly screwed up by things over the past three years, she's likely to be okay, because...I got a job.

And I'm really excited about it.

I want to work, and I'm not ashamed of that fact (much...some feelings are hard to let go of). And the plus of being in education is that I still get to have the time off that I'd enjoyed previously (when I'm not taking courses to help maintain my certification and earn my Master's).

I'm pumped about whole "having a job in a tanking (or tanked) economy" thing. It'll be great to have the extra money. And I'm really excited about being able to put my recently earned degree to use. But, those aren't the best things about this whole "job" thingy.

This is a job I'm passionate about. And, it's the perfect for me and for my family. Which, in the end, is what's important.

No comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...